Another "Label"....

I feel like I have been completely blindsided. I am left confused, shocked and mostly numb. I will probably be in complete denial until I just come out and say this and I know until I do I wont be able to accept it. I am in no way ashamed of my son, it's just sometimes you feel you need to hold onto "labels" to protect your child. You worry about how these labels will affect them in the ways of others words or actions. But in all reality when you get a diagnosis like this, you already feel isolated and all alone. It doesn't help you or your child to keep that part of them a secret. So as hard as it is to say, here we go...  

When Ryder was first diagnosed with Cerebral Palsy our hearts were shattered. I had suspicions, worries and totally saw the diagnosis coming but it didn't take away from the harsh blow of being told your child has a life long condition.  I held onto the diagnosis and only told family and close friends. It took a long time before I was ready to let the world know that my son had CP. It took me months before I could say the words without having a heart wrenching pain in my chest. And when we first got his walker I was SO afraid to take him out in it in public fearing what people would say or think. My once perfect child is now going to be perceived as different, disabled ..... handicapped and that plain out hurts.

Yesterday we had an appointment with Ryder's neurologist. It had been brought up at one of Ryder's regular therapy appointment's that it had been some time since we last saw her. I had some questions about future surgeries and we all felt it was a good idea for her to come and see us. I went in (alone) thinking we were talking about CP and came out with a brand spanking new diagnosis of AUTISM?!  Yup, there it is. I said it, it's real. Autism. Maybe your thinking the same thing as me. Maybe your not, if you have a child or have worked with children on the spectrum. But I feel like it was/is just a bad nightmare. 

Ryder Autistic? No freaking way!! He's smart, he talks, he's funny he's just a normal little boy with CP. Well Apparently not. 

So many confused thoughts running through my head. How could I not have had any concerns about this? Why no suspicions? Why no warning signs? How come his therapists never brought this to my attention if they had concerns? Why didn't they tell me what they were thinking? Why does this crap always happen to us? Why can't Ryder catch a break? 

So he has a huge label over his physical abilities and know your gonna hang another one over his mental/social abilities too????? *****SIGH********

Wow what a blow, we honestly had no idea ANYTHING was wrong.  

Trying really hard to stay positive and I know this label does not change my son. He is still Ryder. The cute, funny, adorable little boy that I love with all my heart. He is strong willed and has determination that will pull him through anything this world throws at him. 

Cerebral Palsy doesn't stop him and neither will Autism.